Hey friends! It’s been a while. That’s what happens when real work interferes with a pipe dream you’re hoping turns into an afternoon gig on local sports talk. We can always dream …

This morning I had foot surgery, so I’m laid up on the couch watching sports coverage and reading everything the internet has to offer.  A little hopped up on pain killers, this afternoon was a perfect opportunity for a classic Szejka overreaction on the state of the Bears, their miserable coaching staff and worthless p.o.s. offensive line.

First, let’s talk coaches. Everyone knows I despise Lovie Smith. No secrets here, I feel he has no place as the head coach of the Bears. The numbers speak for themselves: 9 years, 3 playoff appearances, 3 playoff wins. And that has somehow earned him extension after extension? Cha moan. A couple friends of mine tell me they are able to overlook that track record of failure because Lovie “gets his guys ready to play.” If anyone tries to tell me that one single players on that team was ready to play on Monday Night they can go fist themself. What an embarrassment. From the first play of the game when Chris Conte was flagged for 15 yards because he tackled someone who was already down and out of bounds, they were out-physical’d, out-schemed, out-hustled and whipped over and over and over again on both sides of the ball.

Gabe Carimi, why did you even bother flying to San Francisco?

Nice work Lovie. Fantastic game planning.

The “bend don’t break” defense got snapped in half like a popsicle stick. The “cover 2” was once again a “please just cover anyone” as Collin “I played for Nevada and still can’t believe I’m in the NFL” Kaepernick hit every single soft spot in our coverage on his way a 133 passer rating for the night. Nerves in his first pro start? Nah.
Mike Tice. How is this guy an offensive coordinator? Monday night was a disturbing flashback to the days of John Shoop. Run for no gain, Run for no gain, 3rd and 9 – 6 yard out to the sideline. HOW WAS ANYTHING IN THAT PLAN GOING TO PICK UP A FIRST DOWN? Throw the ball into space, hit someone in a seam, get a guy on the move, going forward.
Second, by far the best thing I’ve heard today is that Chilo Rachal quit because he had a bad game on Monday and is taking his ball and going home. A couple highlights from that report:

– according to the Chicago Sun-Times, “the 49ers knew how to ‘get in his head,’ prompting Rachal’s poor performance

– The report cites a source that describes Rachal as “emotional” and says he “needs constant positive reinforcement.”

Shake’s Take on what this means:

– The Bears will elevate undrafted free agent rookie James Brown to the team. Brown lacks the height, strength, size and speed to play an effective offensive line position, but he impressed in camp. (He impressed Mike Tice, who can’t run an offense, so this bodes well)

– Chris Spencer could reclaim his starting role or the Bears might also look at Edwin Williams who has been inactive all season.
So because we had a mental midget on the team who couldn’t handle having an off night, some of the worst offensive linemen in the country are going to get a shot at playing on Sundays because the front office and coaching staff put together SUCH a bad team that this is our only option.

Honestly, if I were Jay Cutler I would try to tank my concussion tests with the hopes I DIDN’T get cleared to play. Because the only thing that can happen out there is Jared Allen having a post-Thanksgiving snack of scrambled Cutty brains.
Curry – maybe it hasn’t played out just how I predicted, but there’s a real good chance the Vikings come off their bye week, make the short trip south to Soldier field and beat the fucking piss out of the Monsters of Mediocrity.

v Vikes – L, v Seahawks – L, @ Vikes – L, v Packers – L, @ Cardinals – W, @ Lions – L

8 – 8.

Bonus silver lining prize: Bears miss the playoffs again, city revolts, Emery has no choice but to fire Lovie Smith and Szejka throws a “See you later you worthless hump” party. Since Lovie doesn’t drink, there won’t be alcohol at the party and the party will suck, just like him.



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